Winter solstice

[Dimity]

@tyme having kids seems central to most people's sense of what society and their personal identity is all about.

My late father told me he didn't feel he should be leaving me any inheritance as I didn't have kids. And when I started attending a local church a lady told me I was unwelcome - I was going to family services without wearing a wedding ring, and setting a bad example. 

[NatureLover]

I'm glad your eye surgery wasn't too much of a surprise on Monday @Dimity . Have you tried your reading light yet? 

Yes thanks, my mood is definitely better with the sunshine and longer days. 

You know how I was envious of your cherry tomato plant...well yesterday at work someone was giving away cherry tomato plants! She said she had dozens! So she will bring me a couple next Thursday. 🙂

I am shocked and horrified at what that church lady said to you. Shame on her!! And sorry also about what your father said. 😥

[NatureLover]

@tyme To answer your question, I think there's a strong expectation in society to have kids. I've had friends drop me as I'm too boring as I don't have kids! 

But I've never wanted kids and am glad I don't have them. I have enough trouble looking after myself. Plus I wanted to end the cycle of abuse in my family. 

Most of my friends now accept me just fine without kids. But I'm 53 now so it's an older demographic which includes empty-nesters. 

[Patches59]

I had nice chat with the opthamologist yesterday when I saw him before leaving hospital, part of which was about new glasses.  @Dimity I’ve decided to discuss with optometrist about having 2 sets of glasses ordered through their firm, non script transition sunglasses plus script reading glasses.  Specialist agreed that, if available, glasses with half lense would be perfect for me.

I have a good psychiatrist who is trauma trained and has shown multiple times in our chats that she has good understanding of impact of trauma also and that I feel very comfortable to discuss anything with.  Due to my eye surgery our next appointment will be phone appointment Friday next week.  Planning on talking to her again about working with her plus psychologist.  I know see a great local dr and have regular 3mth mental health review appointments with her.  I’m on meds XYZ which by now don’t seem to do much.  Psychologist was aware of this, never tried anything else.

One nice thing. I’ve been asked to make 6 Christmas cards by member of the Social Club, cards to be one of various items part of raffle at our communal Christmas Dinner 

[Patches59]

@tyme   I feel similar to @Dimity and @NatureLover 

Getting married and having kids are things society looked on highly over the decades.  People used to look at me as if there was something wrong with me from my mid 20’s onwards when I said I wasn’t married.  Time shift that by 20 years and regular question heard was ‘how many kids do you have’.

area I live in people must be at least 55yrs old.  Even here I have heard people being asked, have been asked myself, about marital status and descendants.

[tyme]

Well it make take a group of 'childless' people like us to change this @Patches59 @Dimity @NatureLover ! (I hope you don't mind me using that word. I'm happy to removed the comment if it upsets anyone)

I don't see why my worth should be judged on how many children I have.

As @NatureLover said, I'm glad I don't have children. 

Thoughts?

[NatureLover]

I agree @tyme , our worth shouldn't be judged on whether we have children or not. 

[Dimity]

I'm glad your cards are appreciated @Patches59 . The ones you've shared are lovely. 

I have multifocals but all the changes in my eyesight over the last few months have thrown me a bit. I need a magnifying glass for small print. I guess my sight should be stable now since the extra op a week ago.

I've been with my psychiatrist for many years. I haven't settled into a pattern with my new gp. I should try to reconnect with my new psychologist, it's been a while and I should give her another chance.

Hopefully you've just about recuperated now and can soon get back to sewing and gardening. 

[Dimity]

@tyme so much hinges on family connection in a liberal democracy... from much lauded family values to healthcare to financial security, you name it. As people age without kids and especially if they also have psychosocial disability they're at a significant disadvantage. 

[tyme]

I somehow things the tide is turning. So many of the most powerful people don't have kids.  @Dimity 

Many women opt in to be career people over child-bearers. Does this make it wrong?

In my family, I'm the only one without kids. Yet I feel I've got so much more in life. 

During my recovery, I feel that if I did have kids, I wouldn't have received the support I did as I couldn't have possibly gone through the therapy and engaged in those supports if I had kids. 

I had a colleague in the past who couldn't access the support she needed because she had no one to look after the kids. 

Let me know if this topic is too triggering as we can put a full stop here.

I'm open to your thoughts.